Never Got to Say Goodbye

Daddies weren’t supposed to cry. They were the ones who killed the spiders in their daughters’ rooms. They went hunting on the weekend with their brother in laws, and comforted their daughters when they realize Bambi was killed. Daddies fixed the car on weekends and always had grease under their fingernails. They pull splinters out of fingers and offered the Band-Aids and hugs when they fell off their bikes. That’s what daddies do or so Sam thought, until she saw her dad cry for the first time when she was only six years old.

Sam woke up with a start in her little twin sized bed.  The phone her parents had in their bedroom had woken her up and now she couldn’t get back to sleep. Her parched throat ached and she needed a glass of water.  Pushing back her blue blanket, she swung her legs over the edge of her bed. Reaching up, she rubbed her eyes to help her focus on the shadows around her room. The nightlight across the room cast a light blue glow on the Care Bear’s poster which hung over her dresser. Sam snuck quietly to the door of her bedroom and slowly opened the door. Looking to the left and to the right she tried to figure out where her parents were. Hoping they weren’t awake so she wouldn’t get in trouble for being up so late, she snuck quietly down the hall. From the top of the stairs, Sam looked down and saw a soft glow in the living room. Dark shadows played on the wall as Sam listened to the soft whispers of her parents.

Looking over the edge of the railing, Sam saw her mom and dad sitting on the overstuffed cream sofa. Forgetting the water, Sam’s thoughts were quickly replaced by questions.  She couldn’t help but wonder why her daddy was crying. Her mom Elizabeth was crying too, but that didn’t surprise Sam. Her mom cried almost every time she watched General Hospital. She was always spouting off about how the show just wasn’t the same without Luke and Laura. 

            Sam looked on in disbelief as she watched her dad holding his head in his hands. His shoulders shook and his voice came out in ragged breaths. Sam could only watch as her mother gently rubbed his back as she paused to wipe her own eyes. Sam got more and more confused with each shredded tissue she watched her mother toss into a littered mess beside the sofa.

            “How are we going to tell the children?” Elizabeth said. Sam watched her dad sit up and look to the ceiling.

            “Let’s wait till morning. No need to wake them,” he responded.

            Sam had no idea what was happening, but she knew she wouldn’t know more until the morning. She quietly crept back to her bedroom.

 

Answers didn’t come for a couple of days when her mom made her put on the ugly black dress; it had lace at the collar that made her neck itch.  Even worse were the white stockings and the black dress shoes from last year that pinched her little toe.  Sam contemplated the events of the day and questions swam in her brain as she kicked the legs of the kitchen stool and waited for her parents to finish getting ready

Sam couldn’t help but chuckle when she saw her older brother Charlie lumber into the kitchen with his church suit. He looked ridiculous with his hair slicked back and a tight tie choking his thick neck. This was not the picture of the brother she remembered at all.  Usually he was sitting on the couch watching Hey Arnold on the TV. Her brother wouldn’t be caught dead in a suit and tie. Charlie had just started high school in the fall and he thought he was a bit too cool for his younger sister. He had a whole new set of friends and Sam hated them all.  They all called her squirt or munchkin. That really stung, but when Charlie started to do it, she couldn’t stand it.  Acquiring new friends wasn’t the only thing that was changing about Charlie. He had dyed his hair blonde and started to wear this gooey hair gel, or the cargo pants he insisted were hip. He called it trendy, but she called it stupid.  In addition to his clothing, Charlie was making unique music choices.  Matchbox Twenty or the Barenaked Ladies could easily be found in his c.d. player. He was starting the angry teenager phase, which nobody in the family enjoyed.

 Sam’s thoughts quickly vanished as her parents entered the kitchen.  It was time to leave.  Everyone filed out to the garage and sandwiched themselves into the compact family car.  Sam sat quietly in the backseat on the drive to the funeral home. She didn’t want to see her grandma; she knew she was only sleeping. The funeral home was located on the outskirts of Rochester. Sam saw all the cars in the parking lot and hoped they weren’t all there for her grandma. She didn’t want all those people to see her get in trouble.  Sam knew everyone, including herself would get a stern talking to.  Grandma would have plenty to say about this crazy situation.

Sam felt isolated in a room full of people.  People who Sam had never met continued to introduce themselves and hug her without warning. Each one insisted on telling her everything was going to be all right.  By the time the twelfth person approached, Sam was finished with these strange people. She couldn’t take it any more so she wandered off to find her brother.

Sam walked out the door and into the hallway, away from all of the people and the chaos. She could swear her brother had come out this way, but she couldn’t see him. She went up and down the hallway, peering into all of the rooms. She turned around and walked toward the doors her family entered when they first arrived. Sam opened the big glass doors and stuck her head out, turning to the left and right, hoping to catch sight of a sign of her brother. When she was almost ready to give up, she saw his black sneakers poking out from underneath the stairs which lead up to the glass door that went inside. Sneaking quietly down the stairs, she poked her head around the railing, and was surprised by what she saw. Her brother was crying. Didn’t Charlie know, brothers weren’t supposed to cry, either? Sam slowly walked over, watching him wipe the tears which were running down face.

“Sam what are you doing out here,” Charlie said.

“Why are you crying?” Sam walked over to her brother and sat in his lap. She hadn’t done that since he started school in September.  At that time, he had told Sam she was a big girl and didn’t need her brother anymore, but today she didn’t feel that way.  She needed him and it looked like he might need her as well.

“Sammy, what are you doing out here?” Charlie said again.

“I don’t like those people in there, they keep hugging me.” Sam answered.

“Yeah, that’s why I came out here too.”, and he wrapped his arms around Sam, holding her tightly.

“Charlie, do you think grandma is still mad at me?” with that Charlie pulled back from Sam and just looked at her.

“Why would grandma be mad at you Sam?” said Charlie.

“Remember when we saw her and I didn’t give her a hug?” Sam said. “I think I hurt her feelings.  Will you come with me so I can go do it now?” Sam stood up and held out her hand so her brother could come with her. Charlie didn’t put his hand in hers, he just stared at her.

“Grandma won’t know your hugging her, she’s dead.” Charlie said as he stood up and walked away, brushing the dirt from the back of his pants.

 

Sam didn’t care what Charlie thought; she knew where her grandma was. She was in the white box surrounded by flowers. A beautiful wreath of white lilies; those were her grandma’s favorite.   She remembered because she could tell by the smell. Her grandma’s skin always smelled of lilies. As Sam thought about this and other memories, she slowly approached the large white box.  It captured her entire vision.  Sam was mesmerized by the opening of the box; it was where her grandma was; sleeping. Sam knew that her grandma would give her the tongue lashing she deserved for being so rude on Wednesday when she went to visit.  

Sam heard the faint echo of voices whispering all around her.  People kept looking her way. They knew. All of them, they knew what Sam had done. Sam just sat on the wooden chair across the room from the box; seeing those people watching her. Glancing up, she watched her mom cautiously make her way across the room. Elizabeth crouched down in front of Sam and reached out to grab her hand.

“Sam do you want to go see grandma?” said Elizabeth. Sam looked at her mom’s red rimmed eyes and the tattered Kleenex’s in her hand. The time had come. Sam stood up, still holding her mother’s hand and got off the chair.

Sam could feel a host of eyes following her across the room. Out of the corner of her vision, Sam saw her dad talking to Charlie. The brief walk to the white box took only moments, but it felt like an eternity.  Eventually Sam was standing in front of her grandma.  The smell of lilies surrounded Sam; it was almost overwhelming. Sam let go of her mom’s hand, but she couldn’t focus on the box or her grandma.

“Sam do you want me to lift you?” her dad whispered in her ear as he stood behind her, Sam just nodded. She needed to do this, so she let her dad lift her into his arms and careful lean her toward the coffin.

Sam couldn’t believe what she was seeing.  Her grandma was so pale and her eyes were closed.  Her face had no expression; it was like she wasn’t there anymore.  Sam couldn’t explain it, but something was missing. Sam reached out her hand to touch, but stopped before she did. She turned her head to look back at her dad.

“It’s ok Sam,” as he nodded with the reassurance.

Sam touched her grandma’s eyelids and then moved her hand down the familiar wrinkled cheek. She was cold to touch and Sam didn’t know what to do.  

“Daddy will grandma wake soon?” said Sam.

“No Sam, she’s sleeping now. Forever,” he said.

Sam twisted in her father’s arms. Looking into his eyes.

“No! Daddy she has to wake up. I didn’t tell her. Daddy, I didn’t tell her.”

Through her tears Sam saw Charlie walk away, and her mom quickly followed him.

“Sam, I thought you understood,” her dad replied in a barely audible voice. 

 “Understand? Daddy, I don’t understand anything except that I have to tell her, she has to know.”

Sam collapsed in her dad’s arms and then pulled away quickly.  She frantically turned back to the coffin and reached down to wrap her arms around her grandma’s neck. “I’m so sorry grandma. I never meant to lie. I love you,” said Sam. With tears streaming down her cheeks, Sam started to stroke her grandmother’s face. “You can wake up now. Please grandma, you have to.”

Sam felt her dad pulling her away. Sam couldn’t leave. She needed her grandma to understand. “Daddy no! I have to tell her. I need to give her another hug. She needs to know.” Sam felt the ground under her feet give way. Her emotions tossed about inside her like a ship at sea. With one final effort, her dad twisted her around to face him. He gripped her chin and made her look directly in his eyes.

“Grandma knew you loved her, Sam,” he said. 

Sam just stood there, unbelieving.  It wasn’t possible; her dad wasn’t making any sense. How could grandma know or forgive her?  Sam didn’t explain things when she saw her for the last time. Sam’s mind raced and her awful behavior played itself over and over in her memory.  Grandma had asked her for a hug, but Sam wouldn’t give it to her. Sam told her that she looked gross with her wrinkled skin; she didn’t wanted to touch her. Sam’s grandma hadn’t flinched; she looked straight at Sam, with a sorrowful expression and simply responded, “I love you, Sam”. Sam shuddered to think that her only response was to turn on her grandma and quickly walk out the door without replying. Sam had assumed there would be a next time. She thought there would always be a next time to tell her grandma how she really felt, but now she would never get that chance. Sam didn’t understand what cancer was, but Sam believed she knew what really killed her grandma.  It wasn’t the disease everyone mentioned, it was a broken heart.

“Daddy I killed her, it’s my fault,” said Sam. As she confessed her fears, she noticed everyone’s shocked expressions. They all knew her secret now. They knew she was the one that killed her grandma.

…

 

The cemetery was located on the edge of the small town. There weren’t even hundred people living in the little southern Minnesotan town of Oronoco, but it was home to Sam and her family. It was home to farmers and their fields and to families who just didn’t want to live in Rochester, which was the nearest big town. There wasn’t a school or even a police station; no Wal-Mart or movie theater.  There wasn’t even a clothing store.  The fire hall and post office were the only buildings downtown that didn’t have people living in them. Rochester had over a hundred thousand people living within its boundaries and was only fifteen minutes away. This little town of Oronoco didn’t see the point of building a grocery store or clothing store when most of them had to go to the big city for work and school anyway.

Sam drove her red Neon through the steel gates and slowly made her way down the paved road. Jordan Sparks’ new hit single blared through the speakers, and Sam knew every word.  Sam gently pressed down on the brake, half way down the road. She turned off the car and was greeted by the stillness of the empty cemetery. When Sam got of the car, she grabbed her jean jacket from the front seat and wrapped it around her shoulders in an effort to protect her arms from the March breeze and its icy bite. Sam walked around the Neon, as her feet sunk into the soggy ground and made her way across the brown tinted grass.

The headstone was in the same place as it had been on that memorable day ten years ago. It was the third stone on the right side, closest to the paved road. It lay between the Miller couple, who both passed in 1994, and the grave of the three brothers in the Karner family.  Sam chuckled when she read the Karner headstone. Chiseled in the gray granite was a simple epitaph which read, “Frank’s dead. Out of respect,” Sam greeted both stones and proceeded to sit down She gently traced the letters craved in the stone and smiled. It was exactly ten years today, but the memories were still vivid in her mind. Bundles of colorful flowers lay across the front of the shiny granite headstone. Sam knew her family had come by earlier in the afternoon, but Sam had chosen to wait.  She wanted to be by herself. She needed time to reflect.  Fortunately, she had come to understand the significance of that day and the influence it had on her life.  She had grown up in ten years and now she understood what her young mind was unable to comprehend. Sam knew it wasn’t her fault that her grandma had died. The lung cancer, was what had taken her grandma’s energy and life, and that was responsible for her passing.  Knowing this helped, but even so, Sam always felt a bit of guilt and grief.  However it wasn’t the anniversary of her death that brought Sam out here by herself. It was the passing of another grandma. Not Sam’s, but rather her best friend’s. Sam didn’t know how to comfort her friend; she didn’t know what to say or how to act. Sam had been sitting on the futon in their dorm room when Linda had gotten the phone call. The tears started, and questioning started next. The ‘why her,” and “it’s not fair”, and “I’m not ready” followed, Sam didn’t have an answer for any of Linda’s questions. All Sam had was the shoulder to cry on, and the ear to listen.

Sam would see Linda for the first time all weekend in a few hours. Not knowing how she was feeling, or how she would be acting. Sam was prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best. Sam looked back at the headstone before her.

“I love you grandma.” Sam stood up and walked across the brown tinted grass to her red Neon. She turned the key and put the car into drive. She drove out of town with the music blaring and her thoughts on life, relationships, and love.

Disguised

Chapter 1       

Molly always knew that she could only count on one man. Tom was her older brother and just about the best man she had ever met. Her years of boyfriend-less were determined by the fact that no man could really compare to her brother.

Now as she saw him completely defeated she worried she may lose him. He had married only a couple of months earlier; Shelly was an amazing woman and the perfect person to balance her brother.

She put just enough fun and sense of carefree living into Tom’s life, and Molly loved the change in him; now seeing him cry and seeing the utter lifelessness in Shelly’s eyes hurt Molly to the core.

There was nothing she could do for them and she knew that. Today was supposed to be a day of joy for Tom and Shelly. Their first ultra sound picture was hanging on the fridge but the joy wasn’t there for them.

The baby girl they had already named Faith was going to be a miracle if she lived. Shelly knew she was making a life or death decision when she decided give Faith the chance, even when it risked her own.

Now he was called out, and nobody knew when he would be back, or even if he would make it back. His job didn't exist; he was an ordinary man living in Minnesota. But when the pager went off he was gone without a blink of the eye. He always had a duffel bag packed and ready to go.

He had till the morning to meet at the designated meeting spot. Molly had been called over so Tom could tell her to watch over Shelly. She hated it. She didn't want to watch over Shelly, she didn't want Tom to leave at all.

"Tom you have to go, this is what you trained for," said Shelly. Her excitement and joy for life drained out of her, her voice was dull and didn’t have the same pep it had every other day.

"I can’t leave you; you’re due any day now. If anything happens to you and I’m away, I will never forgive myself," said Tom, his voice broken. Shelly moved to the carpeted floor in front of him and just held his hands between her own. She leaned down and kissed both his hands and then looked up at him.

"You can’t leave them either, your trained for this, it’s been your life." Tom shook his head and knelt beside her lifting her chin so she could look at him.

"You’re my life, Faith is my life. I can’t just leave you, but I don’t know how I’m going to get out of this without ruining my entire career. If I had more time, maybe. But this is my last mission, I promise you that." Tom sighed in frustration and leaned against the couch looking at the ceiling. Molly looked at the two of them and wished she knew what to do for them. She wished she could take his place.

Molly turned her head and looked at her reflection in the darkened TV screen, right next to the TV were all of Shelly’s DVD’s. She had hundreds but only one stuck out to Molly; Mulan, the idea struck her so suddenly she was afraid she showed the surprise on her face. She could take his place.

The idea was so simple, and solved all the problems. Molly stood up slowly and backed out of the room, she went looking for what she wanted. She knew that Tom was supposed to leave in the morning, so she didn’t have much time.

She went into the bedroom, and tried not to look at the engagement and wedding pictures that covered the dresser, the only one she saw was the one of Molly and Tom from the wedding. They were so similar in appearance that Molly really hoped she could pull this off, because the consequences if she didn't could cost her everything.

She found his bag and went back downstairs. She popped her head into the living room and saw that Tom and Shelly were whispering to each other, and Molly knew in that moment that she was doing the right thing. Tiptoeing to the door she whispered a quick pray and left before she lost her nerve.

All the way to her car which was parked across the street she told herself that they had fooled hundreds of people when they were kids, but fooling the United States Government might prove more difficult.

By the time Molly got home her resolve was set, she knew what she had to do, not only for Tom and his family, but also for herself. Congress still wouldn’t pass a law that allowed women to engage in combat, it was a stupid and barbaric rule. She didn't know what this mission entailed, but she was pretty certain a woman was not going to be welcome.

Molly had passed the APFT with flying colors, she had even beaten her brother, but until Congress allowed women to serve with combat units she was forever on the sidelines. Molly was going to knock her job with the CIA, she loved being an undercover operative, but if she had to be one more girlfriend or helpless female she was going to go insane.

 She wanted to be taken seriously; she wanted the recognition and respect as a serious agent. She knew that her brother would get all the praise for her hard work, but she would always know that she was good enough.

Molly locked her front door behind herself to make sure she couldn’t get caught with what she was about to do. Molly walking into her kitchen, she went to the drawer next to her dishwasher and pulled out her scissors. Letting out the breath she had been holding, she walked to the bathroom and turned on the light.

She was hoping the two cosmetologist classes she took for a mission where she had to play a hairdresser would be helpful, but she didn’t think so.

She looked at her herself in the mirror and tried not to cry when she pulled the ponytail from her hair. She always thought that her hair was the only thing she had going for herself. She never really thought of herself as good looking, but her hair had always been the one thing people commented on and loved about her, and she loved it too.

Molly only let one tear fall when she raised the scissors to her long brown hair. With each snip of the scissors she watched inches and inches of her hair fall to the floor. When the last piece fell she was transfixed by the person staring back at her in the mirror.

She was completely shocked at what she saw, her brother was looking back at her, the cheeks were slightly more indented, and the nose more rounded on the end, but she looked so much like him. That moment of seeing herself in the mirror gave her the confidence that she could do this, she was strong enough, and she could serve her country and save her brother.

Molly left the bathroom and headed toward the front door. She grabbed her favorite Chevy hat off its peg and the duffel bag off the floor, and she took one last look around her apartment and sighed.

 She really hoped her brother would come water her plants for her. It was the one living thing in her house. Once inside her car she let the fear of what she was about to do take over her for a moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2

The first place she had to go was back to her brother’s place, she walked up the steps to his door. She gave the letter in her hand a kiss before she slipped it under the door. With a quick whisper of ‘I love you,’ she turned and headed back to her car.

Now she needed to head to the drop off location. The letter in her hand said that she was supposed to go to the 1600 Block at 6 am to join the rest of the recruits.

It was only two in the morning, but Molly knew she couldn't wait around her house for this moment. Parking her car in the long term parking house, she hoped her brother would come pick it up. She couldn't afford to pay for long term parking; she had no idea how long she would be gone.

Locking the car she hefted the duffel bag onto her shoulders and headed down to sidewalk. Walking through the front doors of the hotel she searched the lobby for the nearest bathroom.

Walking into the bathroom she started what would become the most painful part of the whole thing. She locked the door behind herself and stared at the mirror above the sink. She tore her gaze away from herself and started going through the bag she had placed at her feet.

Reaching inside she pulled out the bandage, pulling her shirt over her head she stared at the two things that could destroy her whole plan. She was glad her breasts hadn't grown a whole lot since she hit puberty.

She hated them enough as it was, but now she was going to hate them even more. Unraveling the stretch bandage she tried to think of the best way to do this.

Starting at the top of her chest she pulled the fabric as tight as she could, pulling and stretching the fabric she slowly covered up her two severely lacking assets. Tucking the end in, she surveyed the end results.

Moments of turning side to side she became satisfied with the end result, the small bumps looked more like muscle than actual breasts. Pulling out her brother’s uniform she hoped that he hadn’t gained a lot of weight. She had never been more grateful for her brother’s smaller frame. The uniform was a little bigger than she wanted, but it would have to do for now. Looking in the mirror she saw Tom Shayne staring back at her.

She kept repeating her new name over and over again. She needed to remember who she was, she was almost there, and she just had to convince the rest of the world now. Molly stuffed her jeans and t-shirt into the garbage can. Zipping the duffel bag shut she picked it up and walked out of the bathroom.

Once she stepped over the threshold she stopped when she came face to face with a woman who was staring at her in shock. The first thought was that she was busted, how in the world could she ever have thought this was a good idea. It would never work, she was not an actress, and she couldn't fool the whole world.

However then the woman's face lit up and a smile crossed her face. "Hey handsome, you always hide out in the ladies bathroom?" Molly's heart stopped at the seductive tone the ladies voice had acquired. She couldn't believe it was working. Molly cleared her throat and searched for her man voice. What in the world would a guy say in this kind of situation? Except she figured that most men wouldn't find themselves in this situation.

"Quite frequently actually, good day," Molly strode past the lady and back out into the main lobby. How was she going to pull this off? 'Quite frequently?' she sounded like a drag queen.

Well she was a drag king actually, but that was beside the point. She needed to start thinking like a man. Beer, boobs, and babes. She needed to get into that mindset now, before anything else went wrong on her little mission.

Molly sat down on a bench close to the front doors and just waited, she sent up prayers that everything would work out and that she could save her brother and his family. Molly braced herself when two other guys started showed up around dawn.

Molly smiled when they approached her, but she just kept getting looks of confusion, and sometimes even disgust. She kept telling herself that she was doing the right thing.

Her brother deserved to be happy for once in his life. And he found that happiness with Shelly; she was the nurse who saved him the first time he almost got killed on a mission when he was in the Navy SEALS.

Now they were a family, and had a baby on the way. And there was no guarantee that Shelly or the baby would even make it. They needed Tom now more than ever, and Molly couldn't let anyone take him away.

Looking around the lobby Eva studied the two men who were waiting with her. She tried to pick up their nuisances, and habitats. But all she was finding was that men were extremely disgusting when no women were looking. She saw them picking at scabs, noses, and adjusting themselves.

There was no way she was going to do that; she was going to have to be one of those metrosexual men. The pretty boys, but that would probably get the gay jokes going. She had no idea what she was going to do.

Damn her brother for waiting so long to tell her that he was being deployed, she couldn't get a good sense of what kind of man she was in one night. Things like that needed to be developed over time.

The lobby doors opened and Molly watched the two other men spring to their feet. Eva quickly followed, the man standing before them appeared to be the man in charge. And the men started to follow him out the door. Molly raced after them, she needed a manual or something to understand what the hell was going on.

A black town car was sitting at the curb and Molly knew it was now or never. As she started to enter the car she saw her brother running down the street towards them. Molly just waved and slammed the door shut.

She knew she shouldn't have messed with his alarm, but she knew he would have tried to stop her, and she couldn't let that happen. She was doing this for him.

The car pulled away and Molly just saw her brother watch them. She couldn't quite read his face. Turning her gaze around she looked at the people in the car with her, and finally noticed that they were all arguing violently.

"Who in the hell is this guy Paul! We don't need another asshole messing up the plan. This was supposed to be an in and out mission," screamed the guy on her right. Great she was the enemy.

"Steve this mission is different, and Tom is a tactical specialist. He is going to be invaluable to this mission. I know you and Tyler are a team, but we have failed too many times, this is our last chance."

Molly looked at the guy next to her, he was even more attractive now that his face was tense with anger and his eyes seemed to be on fire. His hair was military short, but it worked for him.

 It was his eye's that drew her in, they were green and showed something deeper. She wanted to look into his eyes forever, but she had to keep telling herself that she was Tom now. She couldn't be staring into dude's eyes.

"Listen I don't know you, and you don't know me..."

"Your right I don't know you, that is why this is a mistake! I can't predict you, this could get us all killed!" Molly knew she had to keep her confidence up, and her man voice. She couldn't ruin this mission, this quickly.

"Let's brief about this mission first, and then see where we are at after that. We only have a little over 72 hours to complete it. So you guys need to figure out how to get along pretty quick." The rest of the ride to the airport Molly spent quiet, trying to focus on every word that came from the Sergeant's mouth.

She had to memorize everything he said so that she could be at the top of her game. She had something to prove. Molly tried not to ask a million questions that she knew her brother would know the answer too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 3

Climbing aboard the C-130 Molly tried not to smile. Everything she had ever trained for was going to be put to the test. Once the plane took off Molly unbuckled her seat belt and waited for the other two men to take the lead.

"I'm Tyler Austen, and this is Steve Locke," said the guy who was the proud owner of a shiny bald head. So the other one was Steve, at least the cute guy had a name.

"I'm Tom, Tom Anderson," said Molly. Tyler stood up and started to stretch. He stopped when a voice came over the intercom.

"Your gear is located under your seats; we will be reaching the drop off location in seventeen hours. Get some rest boys." Molly looked under her seat and found a whole new outfit, including a wet suit, and what looked like fifty pounds worth of gear.

She didn't know she was going to have to change in front of these guys. She was still wearing her own underwear. Wearing Tom's just didn't seem right. They would definitely notice the lack of a penis in her panties.

Molly thought she was prepared for this, but she quickly found that no training could prepare her for this. They were headed into Iraq on a mission to save two undercover operatives; this was the third attempt to free them, and the final chance. They were scheduled to be executed the following day.

The hours pasted slowly, and Steve and Tyler slowly started to open up to her. She found out about Tyler's wife and family. The pictures of the two little girls in his pocket were some of the cutest kids she had ever seen.

Steve was from Wyoming, and that explained the little twang she heard when he said certain words. Picturing him in a cowboy hat, tight jeans, and cowboy boots, leaning on a fence post with some horses around did strange things to her insides.

They went over the mission, let Tyler pick the code names which both Steve and Molly instantly regretted. Just hours before they were to reach their destination Molly felt comfortable with the two guys she was with. She finally felt like they trusted her, and she could trust them. She watched as Tyler slowly started to drift off to sleep.

She snuck a peak at Steve, he appeared to be wide awake. “I know you’re not happy I’m here.”

“You’re right I’m not, but we will see how it all pans out.”

“Look I’m good at my job,” Steve lifted a brow at her. Molly was starting to sweat under her clothes. He was so nervous about being discovered. “How many missions?”

“187,” Molly tried not to appear shocked.

“What does your family think?”

“I don’t have any family,”

“What? Everyone has some family.” Steve just shook his head.

“Not everyone, parents died a long time ago. No siblings. I think I have an uncle somewhere, but I never met him.”

“Shit, so who’s out on the ranch with you?”

“Whoever didn’t leave when my parents died, and then anyone who wandered on the ranch since.” Molly let out a laugh, but caught herself and lowered her tone to a chuckle.

“So you’re just a band of misfits.”

“Pretty much. What about you, any family?” Molly froze for a second.

“Parents are gone, about six years now. But I got a sister, Molly. My wife is expecting a baby.”

“A baby huh? Holy crap.”

“Yeah a baby.”

“So is your sister cute?” Molly looked up real quick; this conversation was taking a turn she wasn’t expecting.

“I don’t really know, she’s my sister dude.” Steve smiled.

“Well maybe you will just have to introduce us when we all get home.” The pilot’s voice came over the speaker asking for Steve to come up. Steve nodded at Molly and headed toward the front of the plane.

The sleepless night caught up with her and she decided to let the weariness take her over. She only slept a couple of hours but it was exactly what she needed. Waking up she heard someone’s mega snores. Looking at the clock she realized they only had an hour left before the drop off. Grapping her clothes from underneath the seat she walked to the darkened area of the cargo bay.

Putting on the clothes was easy, but the wetsuit was driving her crazy. She knew how to do most of the hook ups for the oxygen, but she didn't want to be wrong. Once she covered up the most important asset's she went and woke up Tyler and Steve. She was really happy to discover that Tyler was the one who snored and not Steve.

With only minutes left everyone was suited up. Turning on her GPS, Molly double checked that her straps were tight, and her gun was strapped tight to her thigh. Luckily Tyler double checked all her hook ups.

Molly braced herself for the jump from the plane. When the C-130's ramp opened and the green light indicated that they were over the drop zone Molly let Steve and Tyler go ahead of her. 'Show no fear' was running through her mind over and over. She let herself jump. She tried to enjoy the ride as her parachute opened, but the fear of the unknown was overpowering.

 

            The moment she impacted the water she inflated her CQC vest. It took two seconds for it to inflate, but those were the worst moments of her life. Breaking the surface of the water she tried to not make a sound, just listened. Following the blinking light on Steve's belt she swam towards it. Once she was on land she started to breathe again, but she wasn’t even close to finishing yet.

            The three of them quickly shed the outside latex layer and got ready for the siege. The last bit of information they had been able to get showed that only two guards were stationed. Luckily for them the tracking devices hadn't been discovered on the two hostages. In and out in minutes, that was the only way this mission would work.

            They couldn't alert the entire compound or else they would most certainly be dead. Molly had never known terror like this, but having Steve and Tyler with her made it bearable.

            "You ready for this Tom?" Steve asked Molly.

            "No real names idiot!" said Tyler, "It's booger, I'm spit-wad, and your fart-nugget, how many times do we have to go over this?" Molly and Steve just looked at each other and then back at Tyler.

            "This is the last time you get to pick code names, spit-wad," Tyler just glared and gave Steve a shove, which Steve quickly returned.

            "Are we five people? Can we just get this over with? I want to go home." Molly stood up and strapped her belt to her waist.

            "Someone needs to get laid," Tyler said with a smile and followed Molly's lead. They had no idea. Her stomach cramps were killing her and her attraction to Steve wasn't helping.

            "Shut up spit-wad, let's go." Molly led them as they started to head west. "Besides we all need to get laid."

            They continued on in silence, thirty minutes later they saw the lights of the compound. Tyler was the lookout, so he laid down in the sand and aimed his rifle for the front doors. Guns at the ready Molly and Steve headed down the slope toward the compound.

            Getting to the doors was the easy part. Staying close to the building they moved around the edge, trying to find the door that would lead them inside. They found it on the west side, and Molly looked at Steve when she found it to be unlocked.

            Opening the door Molly saw two sets of stairs, one up and one down. "Up or down?"

            "If you were holding two American's where would you put them?" Molly just stared at Steve.

            "You have the GPS dumbass." Steve laughed and pulled out the device.

            "Oh yeah my bad."

            "You’re bad? Really at a time like this? I'm going to kick your ass when we get home," Steve just smiled.

            "I just wanna see you try," Looking down at the monitor. "Down, let's go." With their guns at the ready they headed down the stairs. Without light they were sitting ducks, but they had to rely on the information they were given.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 4      

Three minutes and they finally heard someone else breathing. Seeing the glow from a lantern they moved more slowly. Looking around the corner Molly and Steve saw the two American operatives.

            Molly saw Steve's expression and it probably mirrored her own, pure rage. Seeing those two beaten the way they were, the dried blood and dirt covering their skin. She had a hard time recognizing these men from the smiling pictures they were given in the briefing.

            Molly connected eyes with the one named Justin Evering; she smiled and then raised her fingers to her lips. She saw the first spark of life in his eyes and Molly knew that she couldn't fail this mission.

            The other man, Oliver Peterson appeared to be sleeping but Molly knew he was probably unconscious. The rest of the room was empty, just another doorway across the room.

            Steve moved to check that exit while Molly tried to undo the shackles that had the men tied up. Molly thanked the Lord they were simple locks. She knew her lock picking skills were amateur at best.

            Molly felt Oliver stir when she undid his locks. He was going to be difficult to get out. He would probably have to be carried which would hurt their chances of getting out without being seen.

            "We have to hurry," said Steve.  Molly nodded in agreement. "I'll carry him. You take the lead Tom, and Justin you cover the rear." Steve handed Justin his gun, and then hefted Oliver over his shoulder.

            They had been in the compound for almost twenty minutes, and they needed to be out in under thirty. They had to stick to the plan; otherwise they would all be dead.

            The trek back to the door was easy now that they knew where they were going. Molly let a smile grace her lips when she saw the stairs. She could smell the fresh air coming from outside the door.

 They were so close, looking back at Steve she smiled at him. “Get moving Shane, we got a mission to complete.” Molly nodded her head, but three steps up she heard the pounding footsteps above her head.

            Light beams started to bounce off the wall in front of her. She didn’t know what she was going to do; they were coming too quickly down the stairs. They would never escape. Their only hope was to go back; this was already going to turn into a blood bath.

            “The alcove, run!” Molly whispered watched Steve and Justin turn back and start to run back down the tunnel. She was grateful that they had found that small spacing in the wall. Molly had fallen into it on their way down the tunnel. It was just big enough for three.

            Steve found the crack in the wall and lowered Oliver into the corner, Justin slipped in next to him. Molly stared, there wasn’t enough room. She would fit, but they would notice her when they went past. They needed to remain in the shadows.

            They didn’t know how many there were, she locked eyes with Steve. They were coming too quickly.

            “Get in here,” whispered Steve. Molly just started to step away, back down the tunnel, the way they came. “Tom!”

            “Tell my brother I’m sorry.” Molly watched his face scrunch up in confusion; she knew she had forgotten to disguise her voice. The lights started to creep over her, she watched Steve fade away into the darkness. Turning around she watched the men come closer and closer to her.

            Holding up her hands she started to lower herself to the ground. This was the end, she could feel it.

            But there wasn’t a single ounce of regret inside, she did what she did to protect her brother and his wife; or her future niece.

            She will have done this for a reason greater than herself. She stared at the faces of the men who held her life in their hands. She looked down each of the barrels pointed at her and tried to pick which one would be the one that would stop her heart.

            Listening to the rapid words spoken between them, then the world exploded. She never saw it coming, but she felt the pain shatter inside of her. The world went black around her, and she felt at peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 5

She felt the blinding light from behind her closed eye lids. The pain of opening them would be extraordinary. Releasing the pressure she slowly opened her eyes, then quickly started to blink repeatedly. The pain went straight to her head, and the fog started to set in. She closed her eyes until the spinning stopped.

            Once she was able to open her eyes again without the pain the surroundings started to become more focused. It was the smell of ammonia and death that solidified where she was. She could have sworn she was dead, now she was in a hospital.

            Turning her head she saw a nurse tending another patient, and the German accent hit her. Germany, she was safe. But how? Looking more closely at the patients face she saw Oliver lying on the cot.

 He looked so peaceful; it wasn’t until he took a breath that she let hers out. They had rescued him, the mission was successful.

            She heard voices coming from the end of the bed, moving her gaze there she saw Steve talking to a doctor. And from the look on Steve’s face, her cover was blown.

 Steve must have felt her gaze on him, his head turned and their eyes locked. Molly’s breath caught, Steve didn’t look angry. It was the hurt look that got her.

Then she remembered the conversations they had, the secrets they shared. She betrayed him, betrayed his trust. She reminded her that it was for her country, but the guilt was still there. Molly watched as he exchanged a few more words with the doctor, then he left.

            Not another glance in her direction. It was the final blow to her heart. His trust was everything; his friendship wasn’t something she wanted to lose. It had barely started, and now it was over.

            Turning her gaze to the doctor who was now beside her, she gave him her full attention. But what he said wasn’t something she wanted to hear.

            “You’ll be fine, but you’re in big trouble.”

            “I know,” said Molly on a sigh; boy did she know.

 

            A week later she walked out of the hospital, and toward the waiting helicopter. It was time for her to go home. The day before she had received her summons, she had to appear before the disciplinary court in two days’ time.

She had no idea how she would explain her actions. Or if they would even give her a chance to.

            She knew she would lose a job she loved, and the respect of her peers. Those moments in the compound had bonded them, and now she was convinced he must absolutely hate her.

She had betrayed the trust that was needed to be there, they couldn’t do their jobs unless there was trust.

            Court rooms never seemed very intimidating until one was actually sitting behind the table, starting up at the judge. Or in this cause seven of the highest ranked officials in the army, there she watched her lawyer talk to Tyler.

            “Mr. Howell can you describe any moment during your mission that Miss Woods here comprised the integrity of the mission?” Tyler looked at Molly and smiled. Molly tried to smile back, but her face couldn’t move.

            “No she did not, not even for one moment. Miss Woods here was a vital asset to the mission; quite frankly I don’t even think we would be having this conversation if she hadn’t been there.”

            “However you were not even in the compound. How can you really assess Miss Wood’s effectiveness inside the compound?”

            “I guess I can’t, I can only present you with the end results, and that is me sitting here. Justin and Oliver going home to their families.”

            “Thank you Mr. Howell. No more questions.” Tyler stood up and stepped down. As he started to walk past her, he gave her another smile.

           

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6

            Molly waited with bated breath as her lawyer called the next witness. It was Steve, and when he walked past her he didn’t even spare her a glance. That moment hurt her more than anything else.

            She could only watch as Steve stated his intent to tell the truth. The whole interrogation was spent questioning everything Molly had done on that mission. Molly watched as Steve spoke, his face never changed.

He never hesitated, and every word was the truth without flair or fanfare. He just told the details of the mission, and Molly had no idea why the tears started to flow, but they did.

            “Miss Anderson found the opening in the wall, she was the reason we all survived.”

            “And how did she escape the compound?” Molly sat up a little straighter. She had been wondering that herself.

            “Miss Anderson surrendered herself. They took her back the same spot where the others were kept.”

            “You mean Mr. Peterson and Mr. Evering?”

            “Yes. I quickly got them out of the compound and to Mr. Austen so he could see to their physical needs. While I went back inside to retrieve Miss Anderson, I went in as quickly as I could and got her out of there. There were no guards; it was a very simple extraction.”

            “Thank you Captain, no further questions.” Molly watched Steve leave the stand, and walk past her. He looked at her and she tried to smile, he didn’t return it.

            Molly watched the defense lawyer walk to the front of the court. It was time for final statements, and for this she was not ready.

            “Miss Anderson here broken not only several codes of conduct, but she also lied, and threated a time sensitive mission.  She disguised herself as her brother, a specially trained officer, whose only reason for being called to duty was for his specialized knowledge. Would this even be a discussion if the mission hadn’t been successful? It’s true that the mission was successful. Mission completed, Miss Anderson here cannot walk out of here without being punished. It would set a present that this sort of fraud, deception, fraudulence is acceptable.”

            Molly took a deep breath; things were not looking good for her. She knew she wouldn’t get away scot free, but she was hoping that jail time was not in the cards. Her lawyer stood up, but didn’t walk away from her. His hand settled on her shoulder.

            “It’s true; Molly dressed in her brother’s uniform, shaved her hair off, and acted as a man. But why did have Molly have to do this in the first place? She had to because it was decided that there is no place for a woman in the Navy Seals.” He walked and looked at the judges. “What are you gentleman more infuriated about? That she lied or that she was successful? Proving that a woman can be just as successful in an operative as a man, yes Molly shouldn’t have done it. However the reasoning behind it could be called noble. She has made the ultimate sacrifice, her career to save her family. Please let that be enough punishment for her.”

            It took the judge two days to come back with a verdict, she had been in the country for almost two weeks and still hadn’t been able to see her family except for brief glances in the courtroom, and when her brother had taken the stand in her defense.

 Molly tried to remember to breathe as she watched the Chief Trial Judge fold his hands and look out the window. “This trail has brought a considerable amount of internal struggle and I have gone back and forth during the last couple of days. Will the defendant please rise.” Molly looked at her lawyer as she stood. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it.  “I find the defendant Ms. Molly Andersen not guilty of negligence. However Ms. Andersen you will be dishonorably discharged.” Molly let out her breath, but it was very bittersweet. At least she wouldn’t be talking to her family through a plexi-glass for the next thirty years. “Ms. Andersen you are free to leave.”

Molly smiled at the judge and turned to her lawyer. She gave him a huge hug; she felt tears streaming down her cheeks. She was finally free, she could go home. Home it seemed like a distant dream, but it had only been a few weeks since she had left it, but those weeks seemed like years.

The courtroom started to empty out and Molly waited until everyone was gone when she finally turned around and saw her brother, sister-in-law, and baby Faith.

“Give me that baby,” said Molly on a whisper. Shelly stepped forward and handed the baby to her. She was only two weeks old, but she was the most beautiful little girl that Molly had ever seen. She was sleeping, but feeling her in her arms was all the satisfaction she needed to know that she had done the right thing.

Taking her eyes away from the baby she looked up at her brother. “You sir make a beautiful baby.”

“Damnit Molly!” Tom grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug. She felt the tears on his cheeks. “If something had happened to you I would have never forgiven myself!”

“Tom, I would do it again in a heartbeat. This baby girl is worth it.” Molly couldn’t take her eyes off Faith. Molly followed her brother and Shelly out the courtroom door. She cradled the baby close to her chest as they walked out the building.

They started walking down the steps of the building, but Molly stopped when she saw Tyler, Oliver and Justin standing there. All of them had smiles on their faces. Molly handed the baby to Shelly and started toward them.

They may have smiles on their faces, but she was still worried. “Molly, Molly, Molly,” said Tyler while he was shaking his head. “I thought you were kinda of girly man, but I didn’t think that meant downtown too.” Molly couldn’t help but laugh.

“Thanks Tyler, you know how to make a guy feel better about themselves.” Molly wrung her hands together and looked down at her feet. Finally she let out a sign. “I’m sorry guys. I…”

“Stop right there Miss Molly,” said Oliver. “We know why you did it, all that testimony in court. We both meant every single word. We wouldn’t have wanted any other person out there with us.”

“Thank you gu…” Molly stopped when she saw Steve leaning against a truck. She didn’t know what possessed her but she started walking toward him. He tensed up as she got closer, but Molly kept walking until she was right in front of him.

“Steve, I just…”

“Don’t Molly. I can’t really process this right now.”  Molly took another step closer.

“Then why are you here?”

“I don’t know?”

“Let me tell you that I’m sorry, that I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me, you saved my life. All of our lives, but you lied to me.” Molly couldn’t help but wring her hands again.

“I lied to everyone; let me make it up to you.”

“You did say you would hook me up with your sister.” Molly’s face lit up with a smile.

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t,” said Molly with a laugh.

“That’s not how I remember it.” Steve held out his hand for Molly to shake. Once she took it she knew she had his respect. Still holding on to his hand she looked over her shoulder at everyone standing behind her. She might have lost a job she loved, respect of her peers. But looking at all these people standing around her, she knew she had the respect of the people who mattered to her.